🚨BREAKING NEWS: 5-Year-Old Zooms Through Road America with Superbike Power and Cheese Pizza!🚨 By: Emmett Watermolen

ELKHART LAKE, WI — A super cool and totally fearless 5-year-old took over Road America this weekend with his dad and had one wild ride of a day filled with superbikes, BMX bikes, mopeds, Spiderman headphones, and cheesy adventures.

The action-packed day started with the sound of vroom-vroom-vroooooms shaking the earth like a bunch of rocket-powered dinosaurs. Good thing our hero came prepared with Spiderman noise-damping headphones—because those superbikes were LOUDER than a T-Rex with a megaphone!

“I looked like Spidey, but I didn’t shoot webs. I was too busy being awesome,” said the young racing fan, while probably doing a victory pose.

Our superhero and his trusty sidekick (a.k.a. Dad) came to meet legendary racer Josh Hayes. They waited for him for a whole HOUR. That’s like…forever in kid time. But Josh was as sneaky as a racetrack ninja, and the only time they saw him was when he zoomed by on a tiny moped going somewhere mysterious. It was like trying to catch a speeding pickle.

“Next time I’ll bring a net,” the young fan said, probably.

But the excitement didn’t stop there. Oh no.

Our brave duo brought their BMX bikes, which are kind of like superbikes for kids (but without the zoomy zoom engine part). They rode all around until—WHAM! ZOOM! SLIP!—our hero flew down a hill like a rocket and the front tire went wiggly-wobbly. SKIIIIID! He crashed like a movie stuntman!

“My tire said, ‘nope,’” said the brave boy, who got back up like a champ with the help of Dad, who ran in like a superhero without a cape.

After the epic crash (no broken bones, just maximum bravery), it was time to refuel with a Screamin’ Sicilian Pizza. The 5-year-old chose a noble all-cheese slice, while Dad went with pepperoni, because that’s what dads do.

“It was melty and cheesy and perfect,” the kid said, probably with cheese on his chin.

As the sun kept shining and sunscreen kept flying, the duo saw something INSANE—a bike crash right on the track! It was wild! But everyone was okay, and it made the day even more unforgettable.

At the end of the day, tired but smiling, the 5-year-old hero declared:

“I didn’t meet Josh Hayes, but I still had the best day EVER.”

Final Score:
Superbikes: Loud
Josh Hayes: Ninja
Pizza: Delicious
Bike Crash: Epic
Spiderman Headphones: Super Effective
Day with Dad: 10 out of 10